How To Overcome Sexual Urge As A Single Christian Brother
How To Overcome Sexual Urge As A Single Christian Brother
Basic Steps To Overcome Sexual Urge As A Single Christian (Male)
If there is one Bible verse Christian youths who are part of Christian communities have heard the most after John 3:16, it is probably that they should flee youthful lust (2 Timothy 2:22).
But as a Christian brother, the awareness of the fact that there is a verse in the Scriptures saying to flee youthful lust is not enough. For Apostle Paul to have even told us to flee, it seems he knows that there is something to flee from. Right? You cannot flee from something that is not with you or coming towards you.
So should we literally flee? “Yes,” your Bible Study teacher will say. But how? Flee from TV? |Flee from social media? Flee from entering cabs? |Flee from going to ShopRite? Free from school? Because we will always find sexually tempting stimuli from these places. I understand the frustration.
Overcoming Sexual Urge As A Single Guy
But the frustration becomes even worse when the sexual temptation is coming from you. How can I flee from myself when the thoughts of Sister Mercy keep visiting my mind and want to live there? And, it’s not really about how well she sings but how good-looking (sexy, actually) she is.
I will be sharing time-tested tips I have learnt and practised for some years now that can help you overcome these sexual urges both from within and without as a Christian brother.
How to Overcome Sexual Urges As A Christian Brother
1. Stop Beating Yourself Up
As someone who loves the Lord, facing these kinds of temptations (and sometimes even falling for them) is very discouraging. If care is not taken, you can team up with the devil and continue to condemn yourself.
“I am such a disgrace to God,” “I can never get out of this,” “Why is my case so worse? It seems this Jesus thing is not for me,” and so on. No! Stop that immediately. It’s a strategy of the devil (the accuser of the brethren) to stop you from pressing towards God’s best.
Remember what Jesus told the woman caught in adultery? “Neither do I condemn thee. Go and sin no more” (John 8:1-11). If Jesus had to address condemnation before addressing sin, you should do that also.
If you believe God, you should also believe His word that says you aren’t condemned. (Study Romans 8:1 to 15, 33 to 39). All the condemnations you have given yourself so far has not yeilded results, so if you truly want to overcome your sexual urges, look for something that works.
2. Understand That Sexual Urges Will Always Be Present
Now let’s get busy. The worst thing you can do to yourself when it comes to sexual temptation is to tell yourself, “I got this” and just move on. That is a death trap.
In most cases, increased sexual urges are not a spiritual attack that needs 21 days of fasting; it is a hormonal attack that needs applied wisdom. James 1:14 Amplified says, “But each one is tempted when he is dragged away, enticed and baited [to commit sin] by his own [worldy] desire (lust, passion).”
So it is clear that the desire is from within us. You might be saying, “but I don’t desire to commit sin.” Yes, you (your regenerated spirit) do not want but you (the human nature) want sexual pleasures now. That is how God designed the body to be and it is for a purpose (the consummation of marriage).
So since it is clear that the desire is in you, you must take a conscious effort to be above it. This understanding is what makes us go for lengthy hours in prayer. There’s a place for prayer and fasting in putting the flesh under subjection but wisdom still needs to be applied.
Apostle Paul (1 Corinthians 7:1-2) was telling the men at Corinth to get married as a way to reduce the temptation and sexual urges. Notice he didn’t say to pray here. Why? Because no matter how much you pray, your sexual urges will not disappear because God put them there for a purpose and His purpose must stand.
3. Pay Attention To Your Triggers
For every individual, there’s a specific thing that triggers their sexual urges. What may be sexually stimulating to me may not be to you. There’s nothing to hide. For me, the fat and busty, and girls with all the “assets” do not attract me at all. I won’t tell you my “spec” so one sister won’t read this and come for me. lol
So to overcome your sexual urges as a Christian brother, you must know your own triggers. Not just the kind of girls that attract you but the situations, events, places, scents (seriously), songs, movies, books, conversations, and so on, that bring those triggers.
Hebrews 12:1 says to lay aside the weight that easily besets us. It didn’t just say every weight but every weight that easily besets us. So it draws attention to the fact that there are some types of weight that you are more prone to than others.
Once these urges start coming up, you should declare a “state-of-emergency” over your life and settle down to find out where it is coming from and what is happening. Or even before they start coming up.
4. Set Boundaries
After identifying your triggers, you must take a painful decision to begin to reduce their frequency. I noticed that for me, the urges and unwanted imaginations are triggered through movies very well, so I made the painful decision to stop watching movies that had graphics scenes. Yours might be a particular person’s WhatsApp Status.
Fulfilling destiny is a fight— we give it whatever it takes. Does this mean you should avoid fair sisters if that is what your trigger is? No, but yes!
No, because you will always see them, but yes because you can choose not to have prolonged intimate conversations with them or stay in secluded places with them. You can stop receiving full hugs and so on, depending on what applies to you.
In overcoming sexual urges as a brother, avoiding is not the final solution, it is just taking a smart move or like First Aid while you work on putting the house in order. Remember we have declared a state of emergency.
Hebrews 12:1 says to lay aside, so please do. Let’s even face it now. No matter how spiritually mature you become, if you don’t set and maintain boundaries around your sexuality, you will fall. So work with the Holy Spirit now and let Him guide you towards the boundaries to set.
5. Flood Your Mind With The Word of God
MOG, this thing works! I wish I could show you a video of my life so you could watch the power of the word to cause a change. As of 2016, if I only walk with a female to carry everybody’s maths assignment from the classroom to the staffroom, I will have an erection.
No sexual conversation, no touching, no secluded place; just walking under the hot sun and maybe say, “how many books are left?” It was that bad. Today I can hug (even full hug with some people), hold hands for 1 hour and talk with females without feeling anything.
What changed? My mindset. I dropped my carnal mind for a spiritual mind. I think many people do not understand what it means to be carnally minded because of the King James Version. Let me show you how the Easy-to-Read Version puts it.
“People who live following their sinful selves think only about what they want. But those who live following the Spirit are thinking about what the Spirit wants them to do. If your thinking is controlled by your sinful self, there is spiritual death. But if your thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace.” Romans 8:5,6 ERV.
How To Overcome Sexual Urge As A Single Christian Brother
So you can see that a carnal mind simply means thinking controlled by your sinful self. If your thinking is not motivated by God’s word, you are carnal. The moment your thinking starts being controlled by God’s word, you are spiritual. Wow, it is so simple.
You can only think about what you hear or see. If all you hear and see is God’s word, that’s all you will think about. So at this point, I am not saying to read your Bible. I am saying flood your mind— brainwash yourself with God’s word.
Use books, videos, songs, friends and any possible means. Become intentional about what enters your eyes and ears. Your mind is a key determinant of whether you will overcome your sexual urges or not. Thank God for this website, you can never run out of materials to download for free.
When your mind is brainwashed with God’s word, you will understand that there is more to females than their sexuality. You will see that sister that used to turn you on and instead of being sexually stimulated you’ll be thinking of how to protect her from deceitful brothers and you’re not faking it.
When I’m with my female friends now, I think more about how to make them feel secure than about my desires, and part of making them feel secure is not touching them or leaving when it’s becoming tense.
God’s word will also create a distaste for immorality in you. That the moment the thought comes, everything within you fights it away.
6. Be A Man Of The Secret Place
Finally, finally, we have come to prayer. I know people have talked to you about using prayer as a weapon. It is very true. By flesh shall no man prevail. But let me add. As much as you pray out bowls of fire (no sarcasm— you should pray fire), remember to be sincere.
We can get tempted to go before God posing and boasting. No, go to God as someone who needs His help if you truly need it. I don’t mean begging God. I mean being honest with God. Tell Him the state of things and cry for mercy and help.
Secondly, don’t just pray when the urges are rising. Have a consistent prayer life. By consistent I mean daily. Set up whatever structure is needed to ensure you pray everyday.
One effective way I have found is having a set time daily that nothing can shift. Let everyone in your house know that that is your prayer time.
Prayer keeps your spirit man in constant contact with God and that is where you get the strength to live above the flesh. God also shows you what to avoid, what to work on, and so on. MOG, pray o!
7. Don’t die in silence
When things are beginning to seem confusing, share your experience with your trusted Kingdom friend. Now, don’t just tell people who will laugh about it or people who pretend it doesn’t happen to them and condemn you.
Seek for sincere and mature Christians to talk to. Tell your mentor, let them join you in prayer and give counsel.
I said at the beginning that most increased sexual urges are hormonal attacks not spiritual attacks, but there are still some others. There are still some “this kind” that will only go through prayer and fasting and higher unction.
So don’t die in silence, reach out for help. “Because of Christ all the parts of the body care for each other and help each other. So the body is made stronger and held together as God causes it to grow.” Colossians 2:19 ERV. Take advantage of the help of other Christians in overcoming your sexual urges.
If your sexual urges are giving you concerns, you are not alone. When Jesus said in this world you will have MANY troubles, you thought He was joking, right? Lol. But the good news is that He has overcome them all on your behalf.
Stop condemning yourself and stop hoping the urges will disappear. Instead, pay attention to your triggers and set boundaries accordingly. Flood your mind with God’s word as you seek divine help in prayers. Don’t forget to seek help from Kingdom friends before you get overwhelmed. Sexual purity is very possible.
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Lord Jesus, I believe you died for my sins, Forgive me of all my iniquities. I accept you as my Lord and Saviour from today and forevermore. Come and Be the Lord of my lif and I am willing to obey your command and live according to your will as you help me, Thank you for accepting me into your fold. AME
JOHN 3: 3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God
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